Depth of Commitment - March 27, 2014

As I continue seeking and searching self to determine what commitment means to me I find that commitment is much deeper and more profound than I ever thought. It has it's own diversities and comes in layers. Layers that can work in harmony or work against each other. Even though commitment can be a strong emotion on it's own, it can also be easily lost amidst other emotions.


Let's look at the differences between being committed to being healthier as opposed to being committed to doing the things it takes to be healthier or vice versa and the importance of having balance between the two. It is extremely important to have balance between all layers of commitment.


Within myself I've identified several layers of commitment. Overall commitment to being healthier and individual commitment to each task that it takes to achieve a healthier relationship with myself and food. These commitments combined become a tightly woven thread. If there are any weaknesses in the thread of commitment, the thread will soon break. It is vital for me to examine tasks or goals that I set for yourself to determine how much of a commitment I'm taking on. There may be instances when tasks and goals may need to be modified in order to have a level of commitment that is comfortable for me.


I recognize that I am not strong enough to take on too many commitments. It is established that my strongest commitments are wanting to be healthier and trying to be healthier. Improvements have been made, but I keep back sliding. Some of it is natural and a good portion of it is because something is blocking me from trying harder to succeed. What's blocking me?


I ask myself questions. In order for this step to work I will have to be completely honest with myself.


1. Is it important to me that I eat right?   Yes.
2. Have I achieved a healthier relationship with food?  No, not yet.
3. Am I committed to eating healthier?  Yes.
4. Have I been successful in consistently eating healthier?   No.
5. What's stopping me?  I do not have hunger sensations as I should during the day. I do, but only if I begin eating at certain times. Even though I know this, I still do not push myself to eat at those times. I'll do well for awhile and then I fall back into old habits as I have done today and the past several days.
6. Are you committed to eating at a healthier time? I am committed to trying to eat at a healthier time, but it is also very easy to ignore myself when I tell myself I should eat. It' way too easy to ignore. Eating is not that much of a priority for me on most days even though it makes me feel good when I do better on other days.


Stop right here! Time to assess why eating is not important even though I have committed to trying to eat at a healthier time. I'm committed to trying, but not being consistent with pushing myself when it becomes difficult. This is the reason I keep falling into the circle of failure, because I am committed to the cause, but not committed to the task.


What does it take to become committed to the task? I imagine it would be having the ability to make a commitment to myself first and not just being committed to wanting to change something about myself.


Do you remember the definition of commitment from the Urban Dictionary? Here it is again. Pay close attention to the bolded sentence at the end. I'm going stand in front of a mirror and say those words to myself, because I find no other words to be truer then that sentence when it comes to commitment and I want to be true to myself...committed to myself.


1.

commitment

Commitment is what
Transforms the promise into reality.
It is the words that speak
Boldly of your intentions.
And the actions which speak
Louder than the words.
It is making the time
When there is none.
Coming through time
After time after time,
Year after year after year.
Commitment is the stuff
Character is made of;
The power to change
The face of things.
It is the daily triumph
Of integrity over skepticism.

When I say I love you, I mean that I'm committed to working to love you even when it's hard.

by Ashbash January 13, 2005

This very sentence is exactly what I need to be saying to myself everyday. As a matter of fact, I'm going to print it out and tape it to my bathroom mirror, which is one of the few mirrors I'm willing to see myself in. Loving myself is one of the hardest accomplishments to achieve, but I am going to commit myself to working to love myself even when it's hard. Right now it's hard to love myself all the time. My hope is that is will get easier.

In everything that I have ever been committed to I have succeeded in. I'm aware of this now. Never have I looked at commitment the way that I'm looking at it today. I've learned something else about myself. When I am committed, I am committed with my whole heart and I am not able to see failure. This is the key to winning my battles. I must first become committed to myself with my whole heart and then one by one I will be able to commit to everything else.


The day will come when I will not be afraid of failure, because I will not see failure.


Today I ate a pack of cheese and chive crackers with a cup of water. I began eating at 1:27pm. It is now 3:58pm. I will eat a small bowl of spaghetti left over from last night's dinner. I'm not sure what I will cook today. I just know for sure that I will not be ordering take out.