March 3, 2014

I'm getting a little bit stronger each day. I don't know how long it will last, but I am giving it my best for now. It's a little disturbing having to be so fixated on eating, when to eat, what to eat and so on. Ironically it is this very behavior that started the ball rolling to begin with. Well, that and a lifetime of misery.


Today I had my first meal at 10:47am. It was a pack of peanut butter crackers, water and medications. This may not sound like a meal to you, but it is for me. Please remember, I have to work my way back to having an appetite in the mornings. It takes time. Not to mention that I can't afford to put too much thought into the process or else I'll just give up and go on with my day. I don't want that to happen. It is imperative that I eat and get my body back on a healthier track. How can I every be successful in combating this thing if I don't make an effort? I can't see praying for God to help me and then doing nothing. That just doesn't work for me.


As I mentioned yesterday, If I am able to manage eating around 10am or so, my body will cue me naturally to eat. Today I felt a sensation of physical hunger, right around 12:30-1pm. This is confirmation for me. I have not had physical hunger sensations for a couple months, but I was also on the downward spiraling with my binging. It's interesting how a simple thing as starting to eat at a certain time of day can make such a huge difference in how the body and mind respond to food. So I imagine that is something especially good to know when dealing with eating disorders. If you are on the road to recovery and want to be healthier, it's important to figure out the optimum time for your body to begin taking in food. For some it may be very early in the morning and for others it may be mid-morning like it is for me. In any case, aim to have your first meal during the am hours.


Back to my hunger sensation. Since my body prompted me to eat, I immediately went into the kitchen to prepare lunch. It's been a long time since I've had a breakfast and a lunch in the same day. For lunch I had two slices of bread, a couple pieces of thinly sliced turkey ham (leftover from last night's dinner), a fried egg, hand full of chips and water. I thought it was a bit much at first, but I ate it all. Took me about 40 minutes before finishing.


Two hour have passed since I've eaten lunch. I don't feel hungry, but I am thirsty. My mind is cuing me to make dinner. It's almost 4pm. I think tonight I will make chili and rice. If I start now, it will be ready for an appropriate dinner time...say, around 6pm. As usual, I will set aside a pre-measured snack.