April 12, 2014

It’s Saturday afternoon. The weather is perfect, 80 degrees, blue skies and low humidity. I'm feeling pretty good today. I've been eating well over the past few days, sticking close to my eating schedule. I didn't eat breakfast today. Nothing's wrong, I woke up early waiting for the lawn people to come. While waiting I fell asleep and did not wake up again until after noon. I'm okay about that.


Lunch was eggs and cheese with a cup of water. Snack time was around 5pm. I ate a can of pears in extra light syrup. Dinner was a little late, right at 8pm. I ate a few pieces of smoked turkey sausage and a serving of steamed potatoes with onions and peas.


Yesterday, I stood in front of the hall mirror and took a good look at myself, a rare occurrence. My clothes looked loose on my body, but I'm still huge. I can't tell where any weight, if any, has been lost. Weight loss is not one of my current goals. Not just yet. I'm still trying to work out eating as I should during the day while keeping a close eye on night time eating behaviors. So far, so good. I could get on the scale, but I'm not quite ready for that. Maybe I should...then again maybe not...


If only it were as easy as just eating right or exercising enough or even having a healthy self-image, but it's not. There are too many layers. With every turn or epiphany there's another layer revealed. It's never ending. Am I frustrated? No, but I am intrigued. I think I'm starting to see why things of this nature can take so long and take so much effort. I never knew healing was so complex. However, on the other hand, I welcome the complexities because I'm learning a lot about myself, my abilities, and my strengths. I'm seeing my own process step-by-step as I write it out in this blog. My ability to reason things out is one of my strengths. It’s my most valuable coping mechanism aside from disassociation.


I'm thinking about doing a post on self-image. Inspiration comes from the video that I posted yesterday. I hope you guys enjoyed. I found it to be profound, a simple concept that changes lives…how ingenious. Believe it or not, I'm also still looking for inspiration as I begin working on my letter to self. One thing did come to mind. If I'm not yet able to communicate with the child self, perhaps I should approach communicating with my adult self, ultimately working my way back in time. That's doable. It will be easier this way, because I am learning to love and appreciate myself in the now so that I can feel love and compassion for myself in the past. Makes sense? Moving forward...


So what did you guys think about yesterday's post? I know it's an advertisement, but beyond that it was an inspired and inspirational concept. Seeing one's self as beautiful is simply a state of mind. Brilliant! If you did not take time to watch the video, please do and share it also. I think more women need to understand that we have to learn, even be inspired to see our own beauty. The beauty is there, even though we can't see it. Seeing our own beauty is not something that comes naturally, because we've more than likely not been around women who've projected healthy self-images. Most of our self-image issues are learned behavior. As you can see from the video, learned behavior can be undone, it's just a matter of how.


It's getting late and I'm going to watch a little tv. Tomorrow I'll continue working on my letter to self and processing my thoughts on self-image.