A Little Something For You

Hi there, I want to share a little something with you before I go to bed. It's late here...1:15am, so I'm going to tidy up a bit and call it a night. 

Last night I had gotten real hungry. I ate a small snack of leftover turkey and a handful of plain unsalted chips. Yeah, I wanted more, but I didn't eat more. I went straight to bed and prayed for sleep. Last night was a successful night.

Today was a very good day and tonight has been good also. No cravings or hunger so far. I just hope I can get to sleep soon.

Anyway, I was thinking of you guys and found this video to share.

Keeping you all in my prayers.

Goodnight...

March 14, 2014

I've been scouting around looking for NES support groups with little luck. There is one lovely group that I've recently encountered that deal with eating disorders of all kinds. They didn't have much about NES. I posted on their wall and soon got a response from a couple lovely people who were very interested in my sharing on their page. I think it is awfully kind of them to allowed me to post this blog. Not sure how many from their page may read it, but I'm not so much worried about growing an audience as I am reaching people who are surviving or recovering from NES as well as those who are interested in knowing what it's like to live with NES in general.


As far as some support groups specifically for NES, there is little to no activity. I wonder if they are where I was not too long ago. In a place where they want to talk about NES, but don't have a lot to say about it or can't quite put into words their experience. I believe one day they will find their voices as I have and will be able to share much more. I certainly hope more studies are done on NES. I would love to be part of the committee that creates the instruments (questionnaires) for the studies. As you can tell, one of my super sized interests is human studies. I just can't get enough. That would explain why I spend so much time assessing myself and attempt to share my experience with NES from a whole person point of view. I think it is important to not only focus on the traits and habits of eating disorders, but the underlying root cause and mental state of a person who has an eating disorder. Eating disorders do not happen over night. It takes a period of time and number of circumstances before becoming a full blown eating disorder. I hope medical professionals are leading patients and clients into the realm of figuring out how their eating disorders developed. Retracing the development of an eating disorder may very well be the road map to recovery. 


Anyone who has suffered trauma of any sort should be screened for the potential of having or developing an eating disorder. I'm sure there are several variables that can be red-flagged as showing high or measurable potential for developing an eating disorder. Is this sort of thing in existence yet? I don't know. I'll have to check into that.


Anorexia is diagnosed when a person reaches a dangerously low body mass index. Wouldn't it be wonderful if a diagnosis could be rendered well before the low occurs. It seems to me that a person would stand a better chance of turning things around if they could get an earlier diagnosis and treatment. Better to know sooner than later...don't you think?


I'm still going to look for NES support groups online and local. Come to think of it, I would imagine many with NES symptoms are probably going to binging/purging/Bulimia support groups instead. That may be the ticket.


Time to turn in. Before I go, here's my eating update. Last night I could not fight off the urge to have my snack, so I did. It was a little smaller than usual, but not healthy...more baby steps. This morning I had a sudden urge to eat right around 8:30am. I ate a pack of peanut butter crackers and water. I wanted something else to eat around 10:30, but could not stomach the thought of making eggs or a sandwich, so I grabbed another pack of peanut butter crackers and had more water. Unfortunately, I forgot to eat this afternoon. No physical cues. For dinner I cooked a veggie, pasta, smoked turkey sausage dish which left me feeling satisfied for now. I can pretty much tell that I am going to want a snack tonight. I call feel it already. So, I will reserve a little of my dinner for my late night snack.


Oh, one other thing. I've been keeping up with my 5 minute exercise routine and I've added affirmation time after the fact. I don't know if this will work. My goal is to increase my awareness of healthy pleasures. Right after I complete my exercise, I take a few deep breaths and lie still, taking note of  how my body feels after exercising. Then I say affirming things to myself, such as, "I am worthy of feeling good," "I love myself and want to do good things for my mind, body and spirit." After I say my affirmation I return to my daily duties. This practice encourages me to take more time for myself  as I learn to enjoy being kinder to myself.

March 10, 2014

It's Monday. All business issues have come to a head. One by one things are getting done. Please God let this wave of misfortune end soon. And I thank you for the good fortune of providing solutions to all my problems.


I can see the light at the end of the tunnel, it's just getting there, that's the hard part. My hands are trembling. I've been carrying an open pack of peanut butter crackers around for the last hour and a half. The phone's ringing off the hook. Constant jumping from circumstance to circumstance. I'm not built for this. My stomach is in knots and my head is beginning to hurt. Anxiety level's rising.


I ate my peanut butter crackers around noon. I did not remember to get water. There wasn't enough time to eat lunch before therapy and dinner was something from McDonalds. I finished eating at 6:27pm. I'm happy to report that I didn't buy anything extra this time. Instead I will prepare a healthy snack of peanut butter and apples for late night.


So much has been going on today. Thank goodness I had a therapy appointment. I managed to eek out enough time to jot down a few items for discussion and highlights of progress I've made. I've been working very hard on myself and am eager to talk about the revelations and epiphanies. That may seem strange considering I've been having so many ups and downs this week. There is much more going on than the day-to-day trials of business and food intake issues.


I'm feeling calm and centered after a thorough purging at therapy. My eating was off today and still I experienced a physical hunger sensation at 3:47pm. Despite my being off, my body continues cueing me to eat. That is a very good sign. Slowly but surely things are getting better, even on off days. All in all today has been a good and productive day. It started off a bit shaky, but got much better as time went on.


Sometimes I have to remind myself not to always see the worse case scenario when trouble comes my way. Note to self: Continue working on having the courage to face obstacles. Try hard to see problems as fixable. Use calming technics to center myself and ward off feelings of impending doom when stressors are developing. Continue working on ways to manage my stress and anxiety levels through positive thoughts and affirmations. Last but not least, continue increasing daytime caloric intake. That is a must.


I have not done any exercise yet. Originally I wanted to start a couple days ago exercising 10-15 minutes per day. That's okay. To get myself started...wait...let me re-frame that. To keep my word, my promise to myself I will do at least 5 minutes exercise tonight. This will be part of my affirmation. That I am worthy of receiving and doing good things for myself. In order to foster a feeling of worthiness and self worth I will need to be better about keeping promises to myself. That begins tonight. I pray that one day soon, being good to myself won't be such a chore.


I'm tired, too tired to revisit memories tonight. Perhaps we can continue that discussions tomorrow. In the meantime take care, don't be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow is another day and another opportunity to do better and be better.