I’m so glad to finally have time to get back to my blogs. It’s been a while since I’ve posted
anything here. I want you to know that you are still in my thoughts and prayers
even when I don’t get the chance to check in.
My son and I are doing well. A few posts ago I mentioned my
son having some difficulties with maintaining
his weight. We’re still not sure why he had the sudden drop. Initially, we thought
he was not getting enough calories with diet changes. He’s still on a
Paleo/Gluten Free diet plan and it’s working out well so far. I won’t get into
his actual weight. One of my promises when starting this blog was that I would try
my best not to post numbers. Numbers are a definite trigger for me and almost
never lead up to healthful choices. If you don’t know what I mean I will be
happy to explain. The road to recovery from an eating disorder is hard enough
without bearing the weight of numbers such as portion size, how many calories,
carbs, pounds, reps, etc. I tend to become hyper-focused on numbers when having
to deal with them frequently so I try to stay away as much as possible. I only
weigh when going to the doctor because weighing at home creates a higher potential
for obsessive behaviors such as obsessing over weight gain or loss every day. Starving
and binging would soon follow and that is the last thing I need.
Getting back to my son. He did lose several pounds but gained them back over the holidays. Tweaking his diet, adding supplemental drinks occasionally and encouraging him to eat
small meals frequently helped tremendously. My son is learning what foods make
him feel good and what foods disrupt his digestion. He’s also gaging himself on
how much he eats and he’s taking more time to chew his food. I tell you
what, I could not be prouder. I know the doctors didn’t have much hope getting
my son to make healthier choices. No
matter if a person is autistic or not, having the patience and taking the time to
work on things that need to be worked on will bring forth improvement. Believe
me, a little improvement is better than no improvement. In my son’s case, his
improvement has been tremendous. I also think his maturity level has increased nicely over the past year.
As for me, I’ve managed to
get past a major threshold. I've gotten down to the weight I was when I first
found out I was pregnant with my son 19 years ago. It’s been quite an adjustment.
When I say the struggle is REAL, it really is. I’ve been struggling with urges
to binge since just before the holidays after meeting one of my goals. I was
plagued with fear (stemming from childhood trauma) and I needed to get it in
check. So while working on my latest issues with body appearance and attracting
attention to myself I’m battling sever urges. I do well sometimes and other times I
don’t. That being said, I am in no way going back to where I came from.
I don’t ever want to see those pounds again. Instead of
trying to force the issue and fight this thing until I give out, I am applying
appropriate attention to my eating and exercising while working on maintaining where I am until
I manage to get past this hurdle. It's working for me, but still a struggle…one
that I have no intention of losing.
For now, I am still
maintaining my progress within a couple pounds of my last major weight check.
Binging and cravings are starting to subside. I’m still eating meals well and taking on the challenges one day and one craving at a time. Today has been a good day. Onward
and Upward!
