April 9th, 2014

The war continues. Yesterday I was triumphant in my quest to eat 3 meals at appropriate times. Today I struggle. I'm not throwing in the towel or anything like that; I'm just saying...it's particularly hard today. I ate breakfast just after 9am. I started preparing my lunch around 1:30 and stat down to eat just before 2pm. everything seemed okay until a few bites in. I've managed to eat half of my food, but can eat no more. Did I do too much when I decided to add a piece of chicken with my eggs? I didn't think about it because I've done it before. I'm not going to read too much into this. It could be a good thing. My stomach is actually full and I need to stop eating. It won't be a problem salvaging the remainder of my lunch for a later time. I'll revisit it around 4:30pm and see what happens.


I've been thinking of ways to incorporate exercise into my day and maintain it. There have been several attempts to do this in recent past. I haven't talked about it directly because it's been so frustrating. In all honesty, it was my inability to commit to exercise that caused me to explore commitment more closely. Everything still worked out for the good. Sometimes you have to go through things to learn things and grow.


What you gain from life depends on how you chose to look at life.


I'll give exercise another try tonight. Yesterday, I visited YouTube and looked longingly at palates videos. There were so many. I loved the abs buster workouts. Most of the workouts were about 10 minutes. I'm not promising that I'll do the entire 10 minutes, but I'm willing to do as much as I can.


I hope my son is busy in another part of the house when I attempt to do my new exercise. He tends to find my attempts very interesting and entertaining. I think he still remembers another time when I wanted to try a new exercise. It was a few years ago. He might have been 6 or 7 at the time. My weight was at its highest and health issues were settling in. I wanted to do an exercise that was good for my core and easy on the joints, especially being so heavy.


There was a commercial about this cool looking exercise ball...huge ball. It looked easy to use and was inexpensive. I purchased one the next day. There were several colors offered, each one for a different weight category. I chose the blue ball because it could hold the most weight. All I had to do was pump it up and begin. Palates seem to be the thing for me, so any form I see is worth giving a try. We came home; I blew up the ball and put on the DVD. There was one exercise that was particularly easy, so I decided to start with that one.


Lying on top of the ball, stomach down and knees bent I push forward with my feet to get the ball rolling. Then I bent my knees towards the floor to make the ball roll backwards. In the meantime, I'm supposed to tighten my stomach, back and thigh muscles...breathing deeply. Easy enough...right? I'm in position and begin pushing forward with my feet. In one sweeping motion everything comes to a screeching halt. There I am...arms dangling, legs dangling...I'm stuck. The ball is wedged between my stomach and my breasts. I couldn’t move forward nor could I move backwards. I was trapped in a death match...woman vs. ball.


I tired myself out trying to get off that monster of a ball. As I lay there wondering what I'd gotten myself into, I noticed my son in the background staring and giggling. Hmph...I will not be defeated. I tried and tried, but to no avail. There was nothing I could do to get that ball rolling. The only other thing I could do was hurl myself off to the side and hope for a soft landing. I was embarrassed, but not as embarrassed as the time I got in a fight with my girdle in the women's bathroom at work.


My loving son, who is a great help most of the time, walked over to me and smiled, then politely removed the ball from the scene and took it to his room. I'll have you know that he still has that ball today. And yes, it is a reminder of what was one of the funniest exercise moments I've ever had. Good thing I wasn't being videotaped. I might have ended up becoming a You tube star.


Tonight I will try something new. Rest assured there will be no props…just me, lying on a matt and a video.

March 7, 2014

Good news! Even though I'm still dealing with some anxiety, the bad dreams have not returned since I wrote about one in a prior post. It may benefit me to start a dream diary so I can purge the memories of dreams and free myself. I'll write down all of them, good and bad. I can't say that I'll read what I've written about dreams. This exercise is solely to free my mind, but who knows, maybe one day I will read some of them again.


Since I'm doing well writing in my blogs, I can't see not being equally successful writing in a private diary. As a matter of fact, I think it will be very good for me on many levels.


Today I ate breakfast around 11:30am. Woke up feeling a little down about some news I had gotten yesterday, so I avoided eating when my body cued me around 10am. I talked on the phone for a bit and started preparations for the day. Again, my body cued me to eat, only stronger this time. My body's ready to be fed. This is fabulous. I chose not to give in to my mild depression and refused to ignore my body again. I prepared a light breakfast consisting of two slices of cheese toast and a cup of unsweetened tea. For lunch I plan to eat two scrambled eggs with a little salt and pepper and unsweetened tea. I'm not sure about dinner yet.


It is 3:02pm. I've just eaten lunch which consisted of two scrambled eggs, left over fried okra and a cup of unsweetened tea. I don't consume much caffeine. In all honesty, I try to avoid it most days because I'm caffeine sensitive. It makes me feel a little loopy. However, I am not opposed to the occasional Pepsi or Dr. Pepper.


I've decided to try exercising a little today. Palates is the choice for today. It's too cold and rainy for a walk around the neighborhood. I hate to admit it, but I haven't walked or done any kind of exercise for a very long time. So, I'll start off with 10-15 minutes. I am losing weight, a little at a time. It can only be attributed to changes in my eating habits. Now that I am not gorging myself every night and slowly increasing caloric intake by day, my body is able to digest and process better. I'm down almost 100 lbs., over a period of 3 years.


I think it would be nice to go walking a couple times a week. My son would enjoy that a lot. He loves walking around our neighborhood and seeing the sights. It would be good for both of us.


Tomorrow morning I will get on the scale, which I just found the other day. I probably won't post my weight at this time, but I will share with you how much weight I'm losing over time.


For the first time in these past couple years I feel like I am really going to conquer NES and a few other issues in my life. I can't describe how wonderful this feels. I'm going to continue holding on to hope, prayer, doing and believing positive change will happen.