When I posted the other day about the 22 day challenge that I saw on YouTube, I wasn't sure if I'd be able to do it. I could not have told you the last time I actually did one push-up let alone 22. Last night, as I was preparing to do my workout I almost backed out of doing the challenge, but decided to keep my word. So I got on the floor with my knees together, ankles up and crossed and I did my push-ups. The coolest thing about it all was that I could have done a few more, but I didn't. Instead I continued with my regular workout with a huge smile on my face as I sent a great many "thank you" up to heaven.
I thought about my brothers and sisters who may have some difficulty getting on the floor to do push-ups. If any of you out there want to participate in this challenge, but feel you are not able because you can't get down on the floor...not to worry. Another way you can do a push-up is to stand at your kitchen counter. Put both hands on the counter with arms spread apart as if ready to do a push-up. Keep your hands on the counter while taking a few step back from the counter and raise your heels (it's like being in position to do a push-up only while standing, leaning forward). Only go back as far as comfortable for you. You body should be at an angle. Slowly lower your upper body down towards the counter. Allow your arms and your toes to support the weight of you. Go as low as you comfortably can and then push yourself back up. See how many of these you can do. Even if you can't do all 22, what you are doing is of great support to the cause and provides healthy movement for you.
Today I've done the challenge twice so far. Trying to catch up since so far behind. If you are able to do more, then do so, otherwise go at your own pace.
In acknowledgment and remembrance of the veterans who've long suffered from PTSD.
Join me Malakh Zebulun at Cassandra Learning Centre on 1st September at 6pm where I will read a chapter of my book 'No More Secrets' and discuss child abuse and... domestic violence. For 18+ only due to explicit nature of the reading.
Okay, I could not get the video to load through blogger. Here's the link to Malakh's facebook page where you can view a couple brief video about up and coming events https://www.facebook.com/malakh.zebulun?fref=nf.
Raising awareness of veterans who have committed suicide due to PTSD.
Sorry I'm just getting this information out now. I came across the challenge earlier today and decided to take it on. I don't know if I can do 22 push ups at one time, but I will get 22 push ups done throughout the day for the next 22 days.
Hi everyone, I hope you are all well. I've been very busy and have not had as much time as I'd like to write a couple posts that have been lingering on my mind. I should have a bit more time in the next couple weeks. In the meantime, I've come across this video, Chris Tuck talking about the affects of child abuse and how the abuse can still trigger you many years later. The impact of child abuse is real. I don't know how many people really realize how our pasts affect our present and future. This video is not to discourage, but to encourage those of you who are survivors of abuse. We can live happy, fulfilling lives. There will be times when triggers will get to us. Those time will come, but they will only be for a brief time. Stay focused on the positives in your lives and be encouraged to deal with the harder times as best you can when they come.
Love and hugs to all of you. Continue moving towards better health and well being.
Are any of you located in the United Kingdom, if so, my next post (which will happen in a few minutes) is about a free event that is happening in the UK this coming September.
One size fits most (OSFM). Have you ever seen these letters on a garment that you've purchased? I have. In the past it used to be One size fits all, but with the rise of clinical obesity and our growing girth the label was changed to "fit" a certain population. So where do you go when you don't fit the plus, plus, plus sized mold? I don't think I have a true answer for this question as I've only just realized that I once was one who did not "fit." I sit and stare at the words I just typed because it didn't dawn on me that there were few things/places/spaces that I could actually fit.
The other day I realized that I am more comfortable in the world. How I came to realize this was during an outing. There were folding chairs at an event my son and I attended. Folding chairs are something that I avoid for fear of embarrassment. I sat carefully sat on one as there were no other seating available. I was comfortable and I did not fear falling. Seating of any kind can be questionable for some of us. Even something as everyday as using public bathrooms. For years I levitated towards the handicap stalls because they were bigger. A couple days ago, I walked into a regular stall. It wasn't long before I realized it felt normal. That may not seem like anything to some, but for me, it was a revelation. I don't judge my progress by scales or by looks. I've been measuring my progress mainly by how I feel. Can I get around better? Do I have more energy? Do I get out of breath while shopping? That sort of thing. Sometimes I take not of how my clothes fit, but that could change with one moment of bloating and cramps. I never imagined I would see progress in the confines of a bathroom stall. That was a real wakeup call for me and a bitter sweet occasion as I am still larger than I want to be, yet smaller than I've been for the past 16 years.
It's safe to say that we do not live in a one size fits all world. It's really one size fits most and that largely depends on where you are. Well...I continue my journey and give thanks for every day I eat well and every night I don't binge.
Moving for life and fitting in...
Mirrors are a window to that which should never be seen. Maybe that's why fun houses are so popular. People love to see all of the wild and kooky images of themselves. What if those images felt more real than not? I liked going into fun houses not for fun, but because they were the only place where I could see the distorted offbeat images more liken to the self image in my mind.
There was a period of time...years, that I did not look into mirrors with exception to the bathroom mirror on the medicine cabinet. All I could see was my face. Though at the time barely tolerable it was necessary for grooming. As for the rest of me, there was no need to see that.
Today things are different. I'm able to look in the mirror whether I like what see or not. The problem for me is the urge to peek into the window of obsession. I fight the urge to look at my reflection as I pass by the mirrors in my house. Obsessing over whether or not I look like I'm loosing weight or not. Some days it looks like progress is being made, but then other day it looks like progress lost. Each day, with each pass of the mirror is another comparison. I had to make myself stop. I was starting to get depressed. So now I wisp by mirrors only stealing a glance every now and again. It's safer that way. I don't feel the weight of the burden of calculating my girth.
I'm eating well and rarely binging. I've exercised most everyday only taking a break for 2 days during a bad menstrual cycle. I continue to feel better physically and I've even received a few kind stares and a hello this week. I don't know what's better for me...seeing myself through the eyes of others or seeing myself through my minds eye in the mirror. I don't know, I guess it just depends on the day.
For those of you who have been reading my blog for a while, you've read about my fear of failure and success. I know that sounds weird in some ways, but it can really happen. My fear developed when I was very young. Whenever I did something that was supposedly not good. I say supposedly because my super dysfunctional parents were judge and jury. Anyway, whenever I did something that was a fail I was severely berated. On the other hand, when I did something that someone else recognized as good my parents still berated me only it was a bit more cruel. They enjoyed watching the joy in me fade. Okay, I'm not going to dwell on the subject. That is not the focus of the post. With that being said...this is the year of COURAGE for me.
Embracing fear has not been the hard part. After all, it's been part of my life for so long, embracing it was just a matter of accepting that it's something I can't help, but want to change, if I can. Facing fears is not for the faint of heart. I've opened myself up to experiences that I never imaged I would or could ever do. One of those experiences was sharing something that I wrote in a public setting, on stage in front of real people. Just me and a spot light. Picture that... If you told me I was even going to contemplate doing such a thing I would have said you were a lie and the truth is not in you. Whoa, I haven't said that since I was a kid. So I stood there and I started to recite my lines. I started off strong, but flailed miserably towards the end. I could have run off the stage and out the door, but instead, I stayed to watch the rest of the acts. I did get some applause, but I knew I had bombed and the audience was just being nice. How sucky is it to feel so much shame at No Shame Theater. By the end of the night I felt pretty good about myself, because I walked out of there with my head held up because I had the courage to step out on that limb and be totally cool if I perched comfortably or fell off like a stone. Plus there was that one young lady who stopped to tell me that I did a good job. Nice.
One other guest invited to the fear party is my fear of being seen. If I had a super power I'd want to be invisible. Negative body image is one of the reasons. Safety is another. If I could be as quiet as possible and kind of hang out in the shadows I had a better chance of not getting yelled at or beaten. I kind of perfected it. Well, I better than perfected it. I became nonexistent. I had become invisible. Even in glass my teachers rarely remembered I was there. I mastered blending in with the background. It was good and it was bad.
Standing out and being noticed was like being naked in a crowd. I couldn't handle it. So for me to stand on a stage...
I've have several wonderful experience since then. I took my son to another healing drum session. The first time I took him I just sat in a corner sipping tea while my son danced shamelessly. I envied him. This time I grabbed an Axatse (pronounced ah-HAHt-say) which is a gourd shaker covered with a beaded net. I danced and played with the beat of the drums. I was center of attention for a brief moment. I actually enjoyed it. It was liberating. Meanwhile, my son had drawn his own crowd. People watched with amazement as he kept up with the all the other drummers. A crowed gathered outside the little club to listen as we played. When everything was over, the owner of the club came over to me and thanked me for coming and bringing my son. That was a first.
Many more wonderful events and super opportunities have come since the night I stepped out on that limb. What I've enjoy most is being able to shamelessly enjoy life with my son. I look forward to turning over a few more new leaves.
Love this video! I'm not there yet, but I'm well on my way.
