I'm still here. Guess you can tell that I've been having a little bit of a hard time these past few weeks.
I'm okay sometimes and sometimes I'm not.
Sometimes things get so heavy that I have to pull back into myself which is my safe place.
Have I fallen completely? No, but I have fallen. I'm still eating pretty well during the day and I continue working towards making healthy food choices. Can you feel the 'but' coming? But, I've been eating more at night, more than I'm comfortable with. I haven't done what I consider a full binge. I have had 2-3 small snacks during late night hours. It starts of innocent enough. I'll get a fruit cup and then a few minutes later I'll heat up some left overs. There was one night I topped off two small servings of leftovers with a slice of bread. I don't even know why I bothered. I just needed to have it and then I felt satisfied.
The good thing is I see and acknowledge what's happening and I'm working again to right the wrongs.
I still haven't started exercising. I don't feel motivated, but at the same time I'm still doing affirmations and continuing to feel better about myself. It seems strange that it's happening this way. I can't quite make sense of it, but I'm going with it. Any measure of good works for me.
I really can't complain. I mean...there are quite a few good things that have been happening this week. I should have written more, but I didn't. In the past few weeks, not only have I felt more compassion for myself, I find that it's getting less difficult to do kind things for myself like taking better care of my eczema. I'm still making better choices about food and I'm still warding off cooking too much or purchasing extra foods when getting take-out. I'm still drinking a sufficient amount of water and I will by no means go past a certain point before eating during the day, otherwise I feel sick and I don't like feeling sick. At best, I'm eating 2 full meals during the day and sometimes a small snack. Night time is getting more difficult for me.
So this is where I am for now.
Tomorrow is the fist day of the rest of my life and if I am blessed to see tomorrow I will work even harder to make better decisions for myself. As for now, I feel love for myself and it feels good. Perhaps a miracle will come out of my new found love. In the meantime, I am grateful for the good things that are in my life.
Still sounds positive to me! That's good. I used my treadmill one day only, but that is a start. My goal is three 20 minute sessions per day as I have no idea how much is good..there is just way too much information on the internet that I end up confused. My eating is ok, but I did have a chip binge a few nights ago...I don't know why I do it, once I start I cannot stop so if I don't eat that first chip I'm ok. I think I really do have a substantial list of trigger foods...Alyce.
ReplyDeleteVery interesting you say that. I thought I was being very good about keeping trigger foods at bay, but this past couple weeks I've been creeping back into some of the habits. Just wanting to eat without cause and not being able to stop myself, but only giving in a little. I don't want to go back full throttle...that would be very bad. I did okay last night and have hope for tonight. I am very happy about my eating better during the day. It's so funny...seems when I had the night eating under control I was having difficulty with day time eating. Now that the daytime eating is much better the night time is acting up again. Hmmmm, wonder why that is?
ReplyDeleteOh my, I wonder that too!! Seems like it wouldn't be that way. Do you eat a variety of foods in your daily diet? Do you mix it up? I find that actually, the less healthy I eat, (meaning higher in calories and fat and sugar) the less I am likely to night binge, even chips. I don't know- I wish I could go to a doctor who could give me a list of exactly what I need for health, foods and exercise-I really think genotype etc. play a part in all this..Alyce.
ReplyDeleteNow that you mention it, there has been a change in the past few weeks. I love eggs and generally eat them everyday, except I haven't had eggs for the past couple weeks. I love Egg Beaters and I usually get them from Sam's. I'm planning a shopping trip at Sam's this Monday and refused to purchase egg product until I get to Sam's because I get so much for the price. I've been eating more pasta and veggies than egg and veggies. Perhaps that is part of the problem. When I was eating more eggs and veggies I did not experience as much night time hunger. Thanks for bringing that up, Alyce. I really think you are on to something.
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