June 4, 2014

I'm still here. Guess you can tell that I've been having a little bit of a hard time these past few weeks.


I'm okay sometimes and sometimes I'm not.


Sometimes things get so heavy that I have to pull back into myself which is my safe place.


Have I fallen completely? No, but I have fallen. I'm still eating pretty well during the day and I continue working towards making healthy food choices. Can you feel the 'but' coming? But, I've been eating more at night, more than I'm comfortable with. I haven't done what I consider a full binge. I have had 2-3 small snacks during late night hours. It starts of innocent enough. I'll get a fruit cup and then a few minutes later I'll heat up some left overs. There was one night I topped off two small servings of leftovers with a slice of bread. I don't even know why I bothered. I just needed to have it and then I felt satisfied.


The good thing is I see and acknowledge what's happening and I'm working again to right the wrongs.


I still haven't started exercising. I don't feel motivated, but at the same time I'm still doing affirmations and continuing to feel better about myself. It seems strange that it's happening this way. I can't quite make sense of it, but I'm going with it. Any measure of good works for me.


I really can't complain. I mean...there are quite a few good things that have been happening this week. I should have written more, but I didn't. In the past few weeks, not only have I felt more compassion for myself, I find that it's getting less difficult to do kind things for myself like taking better care of my eczema. I'm still making better choices about food and I'm still warding off cooking too much or purchasing extra foods when getting take-out. I'm still drinking a sufficient amount of water and I will by no means go past a certain point before eating during the day, otherwise I feel sick and I don't like feeling sick. At best, I'm eating 2 full meals during the day and sometimes a small snack. Night time is getting more difficult for me.


So this is where I am for now.


Tomorrow is the fist day of the rest of my life and if I am blessed to see tomorrow I will work even harder to make better decisions for myself. As for now, I feel love for myself and it feels good. Perhaps a miracle will come out of my new found love. In the meantime, I am grateful for the good things that are in my life.

Thankful To Be...

I am mourning the loss of a great and wonderful person, Maya Angelou. It may seem a little strange that I'm writing about her here. What better place than to talk about a person who continues to inspire me even after her passing. A person who reminds me to live freely today and not worry about tomorrow. She re-instilled a desire in me to strive to be my personal best. I am more focused on what I have, not what I feel I don't have. My glass has always been half full, but I've been taught to see it as empty.


Today I will enjoy being...


Whatever state of being I am in, I will be...


I give thanks for all that I have as I have been blessed mightily over the years.


"Though I may not get exactly what I want when I want it, I always have what I need and I know someday I will be better than I've ever been."