Just getting back from the grocery store. I'm pretty stoked. Been craving sweets for the past few days and doing well with it because I do not have sweets in the house, except a half gallon of frozen vanilla yogurt which is by no means a trigger for my ED.
I only needed a few items and was careful to make a list so I would not have to linger in the store too long. It never fails, I always have that sinking feeling that I've forgotten something no matter how many times I check my list and I usually walk around the store just in case the illusive item comes to mind. I couldn't do that tonight. My cravings for sugar are so strong right now that I'd better not take the chance worrying about a possibly forgotten item. I probably don't need it anyway. Better for me to get out of the store as soon as possible or else a bag of sweets will surely be brought home tonight accompanied by the excuse of purchasing it for my son. If only my son knew how many bags of candy I've purchased for him that he never got. Well, at least it saved him a few extra trips to the dentist.
Time to get to the register. I'm making tracks while checking my list several time. It looks like I've gotten all of the items. A quick right turn and the checkout line is just ahead. Then...it happens. Argh! The mind is a terrible thing sometimes... I'm almost at the register, just gotta get around the chip display and then...my basket comes to a screeching halt. Their I am standing at the end of the dreaded candy isle. [Deep breath] Ok...do I turn left to go to the candy isle or do I go straight to checkout.
Do....I....turn...left.........OR........Do....I....go....straight.
I stood there holding up traffic and then I kept standing there until I made myself go straight to the checkout line. The safest one is the line with no candy. I think grocery stores did that for parent's sake so they don't have to endure their kids begging for candy while waiting to check out. They'll never know how much of a blessing it is to have the candyless checkout lines. Thank you for doing that.
I made it home. Groceries in tow and no candy in sight. Thank God!!
By the way, I did very well last night. After I published my post I piddled around the house getting everything tidy for a fresh start tomorrow. Went into the kitchen to wash dishes and saw a Bojangles bag on the table. I opened it to see if there was anything in the bad that needed to be put up. There in a smaller bag was the container for a family sized fry. Most of the fries were gone, only a few left in the bottom. Before I could help myself, I stuffed three of the fries into my mouth. I sighed and rolled my eyes. How in the world can I be so careless. I tossed the container with the remaining fries into the trash. My fear is that I might have triggered myself into a night long battle of wills. Me vs. My Mind.
Several hours have gone by, it's just about 5am. I know...I'm an insomniac. Can't help it. Sleepiness was finally setting in when the seemingly benign little voice tells me to get a bite to eat. Usually that last hour before I actually fall asleep is the most difficult hour for me. That is when the need to feed really steps up. I'm usually very tired and my mind tells me that I need to eat in order to sleep. And if I want to sleep bad enough I tend to give in. One small serving can easily lead to another small serving and so on. Right now, I take a vow to forsake a few hours sleep to allow my body to move into sleep mode naturally. I've got to retrain my brain into believing that I can go to sleep without eating. I went to bed and fell fast asleep. Another hurdle met face on. I hope I can be as successful tonight.
For dinner we are having brown rice served with turkey hash and chopped greens...no dessert.
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