February 26, 2014

I managed to get through the night without binging. A huge help was to be able to share my feeling with a friend. She responded well and understood where I was coming from. There are times when I feel being honest about myself is a detriment because people do not want to hear my truth. Thankfully my very good friend is trying to understand and takes time to really hear what I am saying.


Anxiety levels are dropping. I continue to celebrate having a cleansing conversation with a friend and running a few necessary errands yesterday. Now I can relax. I don't have to leave the house today or even tomorrow. Just the thought brings me great peace. Dealing with triggers and having to go into public areas is a cause for stress. Fortunately the stress has dissipated and my need to seek comfort has lessened.


I was a bit exhausted after my ordeal yesterday, so I ordered pizza instead of cooking. I found the strength to order only what my son and I could eat for dinner having a little left for a snack. I have to set up pre-measured snack when I am at risk of binging. It calms my mind knowing that I have something to eat waiting in the wings. If I do not have the comfort of knowing that I have clear access to a snack a binge is almost sure to occur. Another thing I do to help combat bouts of insomnia is to utilize that time to be creative. Yes, I am tired from being up all day and taking care of many tasks throughout the day, but it is better to find something useful to do rather than fight the inevitable. It is during those hours when the house is quiet and all daily tasks are done that I can focus on my most personal trials. I can put time and attention into healing the wounds of my tormented past. I sometimes think out loud at time recording it to listen to later. Other times I may attempt to write my feelings out in the form of poetry. And then there are those times where I am able to sit at my drafting table and begin sketching out visions. Focusing on expressing my thoughts in some form or format helps me not to binge. Purging my thought is kind of like letting excess air out of a balloon so it doesn't pop. It's a relief.



I ate 2 slices of pizza last night and that was enough. I don't think I'm in danger of binging tonight. To be on the safe side I will prepare a snack...just in case.