I had an aha moment yesterday. It came to me when
I unexpectedly experienced a brief moment of mourning while
celebrating an accomplishment. Whenever I can, I like to take a few quiet
moments to reflect on the things I've been blessed to achieve in my day. I
also like to check in with myself to see if I've been able to do a
little better than yesterday. This is my way of making mental notes of progress
and pitfalls. I find it beneficial to be fully aware of both.
There was a post that I wrote a few days ago. I spoke of deserving to feel
good and how the negativity of others was weighing me down, sometimes
making me feel guilty for feeling good. It's not always noticeable at first. To
be honest I don't think the looming negativity became relevant in my
conscious mind until I focused on getting out of my own negative
space. That is when all other negativity started to surface and I find myself
wanting to be rid of it. Negativity can seep into your conscious and fester
like a disease. It can spread into every facet of your being if not careful. Be
mindful of the negativity that surrounds you.
I celebrated moving out of a negative space, but in that moment of
celebration I began to feel a sense of mourning, like the loss of an old
acquaintance. That old acquaintance was my self-loathing. I mourned it because
I recognized it leaving. It's been a part of me for so long. I knew it well and
it was being replaced by positive feelings which I am not that familiar with.
Question: Could this be why it's so hard for people to let go of the bad thing
in their lives? Maybe because the bad things are what we are most familiar
with and good things are not trusted to be everlasting.
That was my aha moment. I allowed myself to mourn the loss of a measure of
negativity and I welcomed the good that settle in. The good is still
here.
How do you cope with the bad things in your life? Do you deal with them?
Ignore them? Bury them? Hold on to them?
Are you as frightened as I am to let go of the familiar? Do
you embrace the good that you deserve or question its authenticity?
Have you ever found yourself in a moment of happiness only to face gripping
fear of something terrible taking all of the happiness away?
You're not alone. I live with these questions and fears everyday. So know
when that moment of goodness and truth comes in, take it for what it's worth
and strive for more. When you find yourself celebrating accomplishing something
wonderful, allow yourself to release the negativity that preceded it. Allow
yourself to be free in that moment.
I did not binge last night. Breakfast was a little late today, around
11:30am. I had eggs with chicken and a large glass of water. I did not get
around to eating lunch. For dinner I had red rice with veggies
and smoked turkey sausage and a large glass of water. I will have a
premeasured snack set aside for tonight if needed.
I wanting to focus a little more on weight loss and plan to do so, however
I'm not strong enough for it to be a primary goal. It's too soon. I fear
starving myself will come into play if I make my weight a focal point.
A good friend challenged me to try something different. I have recently
made a commitment to try eating a slice of rye bread each morning for
breakfast. I am not a fan of rye bread, but I'm willing to give it a shot. My
understanding is that rye bread helps with weight
loss, cholesterol, constipation and blood sugars. So, I'll be
starting my new trend on Monday of next week. I'll let you know if I see
any results. I will not post my weight, but I will let you know if I've
lost any pounds and or ounces.
