Shake The Dust Off

It’s a wonder I haven’t given up entirely by now. I did give up for a time but clung to the hope that I might find the strength to start again. This time, I wasn’t sure how far down I’d go before beginning the climb.

It’s been over a year. To be exact, it’s been one year, three months, and four days since I’ve posted here. Feeling a little relieved to finally face the funk.

Before my untimely hiatus, I was close to being at the top of my weight loss game, eating healthier, fewer binges, and stress levels lessoning. Despite my progress, I still felt the pang of slipping, even after finding out I’d gotten down to my pre-pregnancy weight. I hadn’t seen that number for almost 20 years.

The struggle was getting to me, as evidenced in my last few posts. I thought I’d find an opportunity to write more. I suppose I had the time but lost the inclination.

Fast forward. It’s time for my annual well check. I call to make an appointment later in the week. Still struggling with exercising regularly, but reveling in my unexpected success. I practically skipped into the doctor’s office and leaped onto the scale. Then I did what I call the skidally wop, which is my happy dance, into the examination room. Weight’s good…check, vitals good…check, standard tests done…check. I sit with perfect posture, grinning so hard my eyes squint. I wait patiently for the doctor to enter and render her accolade for my outstanding accomplishment.

Dr. Dash (not her real name) enters the room. She smiles a big smile and proceeds to give me what I’m waiting for. Happiness, happiness, happiness! And then…

A knock and the nurse enters the room. She blurts out a number, smiles, and leaves. Dr. Dash turns to me and sais, “Well, it looks like you’re diabetic.” What?! I’m confused. I’ve lost tons of weight, cut out bread, pasta, rice, wine and, processed sugars (with exception to the occasional binge). I drink nothing but water, exercise almost daily, and I’m at a weight I haven’t seen in 20 years. How is this possible?! Dr. Dash scrolls through my chart and reveals that my past glucose levels were perfect. She writes a prescription and with a stern voice, encourages me to take the medication. I’m at a loss. This can not be happening. Damn!

Already on a slippery slope and now this. I may never regain my composure. My mind shut down, and I began to sink into a pit of despair and denial. I tried taking the new medication for a couple weeks before finally giving up. Screw it. I’d had enough. Let the binge-fest begin! I ate my way through last year, but not like the past. Instead, when I went out, every time I went out, I’d enjoy treating myself to something small like an ice cream cone and a 4 or 10 piece nugget, sometimes medium fries, and water. If I went the sweet route, I’d limit myself to only 2 or 3 of the item of choice. Not too bad, except I stopped exercising altogether.

So here I am, shaking the dust off and starting up once again. I gained a few pounds. The good news, I didn’t gain back as much as I thought. I started exercising about 3 months ago. Not an easy feat after a year off. I no longer purchase treats when I go out. I’m taking it slow. Slow and steady wins the race. I’ve only had one small binge in the last 3 months. I ate 4 packs of peanut butter nabs, a roll of fruit-flavored mentos, and a piece of smoked turkey sausage. It’s not so easy to binge when the result of my shame is readily available by way of glucose levels.

Though I ignored my health for a year. I’ve managed to work my way towards having healthier glucose levels in a relatively short period. I have a doctor’s appointment next week, and I’m looking forward to having a lower A1C. I’m feeling confident about making progress with weight too. It won’t take me long to cross over the threshold again.
 

Onward and Upward!